Measures to take if laptop battery explodes

1. Don't panic. Your towel can be used as a tourniquet to stop the bleeding from the severed femoral artery in your right leg and also be used with a snapping motion to keep the lawyers at bay whilst on your way to the emergency room.
2. Sew your penis back on.
3. Break out your Laptop Battery Explosion Survival Kit. Roast the included hot dogs.
4. Tell the security guys at the airport that there's a recall on those batteries for exploding like that. Hope they don't find the other bomb. 
5. Pour your Mountain Dew on your forehead to soothe the burn.
6. Forbid laptops on planes.
7. Run down to the library to blog about it.
8. Keep pretending to use the computer so you don't have to help with chores around the house.
9. Duck and cover.
10. Make your own replacement battery out of AA batteries and duct tape.